That's Why They Call Me Mr. Fahrenheit!

My mom, sister, and "friend" went to see The Exorcism Of Emily Rose. Dark. Uninspiring. I think I'm going to pray extra hard tonight. Not out of fear, but out of compassion for people who deal with things of that nature on a regular basis.

On another note............ I have a story to tell. You see, I'm in a country music band called Rascal Flats. Please, please, please, don't bother telling me that you happen to know another band by that name, because they don't exist. Sorry. Don't feel bad about that. Anyways, my "country name" is Ol' Sea Bass. I play guitar and perform lead vocals. My keyboard-fiddle player Moose is my right-hand man.

Well the story goes as follows: we were in Bob's Tavern late last night, Moose and me, just drinkin' away and playin' some damn billiards, when in the door walks this smooth city bastard. Probably from Olympia or Lacey or somethin' like that. Anyhow, he orders a few drinks then starts gettin' rowdy, ya know, feelin' up the waitresses 'n' all.

Moose tells him, "hey, sonny boy, we don't treat the ladies with anythin' but respect. Get it?"

That city slickin' sonofabitch turned around and gave Moose "the finger."

The place fell silent as Momma's table before the supper prayer.

You see, no one gives Moose "the finger" unless they wanna turn up on the back of one of them milk cartons. And no one....... and I mean no one disrespects a lady in front of me. "Hey, put that there finger away unless you wanna loose it," I says.

City Slicker says, "buzz off cowboy. Didn't you get the memo? Rednecks are soooooooooo twenty years ago."

I says, "I don't know what the hell a "memo" is, but I do know that you're about to get your ass kicked ten ways from Sunday."

I began to walk towards that bastard when Moose put his hand on my shoulder. "Sea Bass," he said, "let me have this one."

I laughed. "Sounds to me like you wanna have a little fun."

After Moose nearly turned City Slicker into a pile of potatoes, he says, "drinks are on the house!"

And they were all night long.


THAT'S ALL I GOT TONIGHT KIDDIE BEARS. SO MUCH LOVE FROM YOUR OLD FRIEND DUSTIN. SO MUCH LOVE. IF I COULD, I'L LINE YOU ALL UP AND HUG YOU TO PIECES. I'M SERIOUS. I WOULD. I WOULD SQUEEZE AND SQUEEZE UNTIL I STOPPED.